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SHOULD WORK COLLEAGUES EVER BECOME FRIENDS
Within my working life, I can count on one hand the number of people I used to work with, that became friends. Now, this
does not mean there was anything wrong with them, or me for that matter, it just means that the people who I have worked with over the years were very different people from myself. They were just people who I worked together within a company for a while and that was the only thing
that we had in common. As I used to say, we just share the same carpet space 5 days a week. Now do not get me wrong, people do make good friends at work, lifelong friends and when that happens, you will find you have a friend for life who you enjoy both working and socialising with. However, this is not always the case and it is so important to remember that most of the people who you work with are not your friends, they are there to do a job and may not want to become your friend, which is also ok. I do not write this to upset people, I write it as it is true as there have been many cases I have attended as a conflict resolution specialist where one person viewed the other person as a friend and was upset when the other person did not respond like a friend to something which happened at work. Work is called work for a reason and you have to treat it as a job.
I used to work with a manager, who never got this and seem to think that their work colleagues were also their friends, they gave everyone around them role confusion. None of their team knew where they were with them and they were never sure how to respond to their remarks and sense of humor.
I am often wary of those managers and colleagues who seem to want to become friends with their work colleagues, almost straight away. I have in the past often found that coercive and manipulative relationships can be the cause of conflict and will often come from work colleagues who want to overstep the boundary and become very friendly with you, way too quickly!
We can then find ourselves disappointed and may even take it personally when a business colleague who we had thought was our "friend", pulls out of a deal or project unexpectedly as they don't feel it is for them. Or when a once friendly manager suddenly behaves in a more managerial way towards us, we feel confused. They are now just behaving in a business-like manner and not your friend.
This is where we can then fall out with our colleagues, as that over-familiarity can as they say breed contempt. I always advise any of my negotiation or mediation clients to be really careful about the work relationships that you foster as you are only seeing one side of someone and know little of their private lives and people do tend to be very different away from their work environment.
The best advice is to keep it professional
We can then find ourselves disappointed and may even take it personally when a business colleague who we had thought was our "friend", pulls out of a deal or project unexpectedly as they don't feel it is for them. Or when a once friendly manager suddenly behaves in a more managerial way towards us, we feel confused. They are now just behaving in a business-like manner and not your friend.
This is where we can then fall out with our colleagues, as that over-familiarity can as they say breed contempt. I always advise any of my negotiation or mediation clients to be really careful about the work relationships that you foster as you are only seeing one side of someone and know little of their private lives and people do tend to be very different away from their work environment.
The best advice is to keep it professional
If you are currently involved in a work-based dispute and are looking to hire a professional mediator, then please contact me for a free consultation call.
Jason
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